Reservations for 8
by elisesdean
Summary: Emma, Regina, Belle, Ruby, Tink, Hook, Mary Margaret and David all go out for a couples weekend in Mary Margaret's father's cabin. No curse.


****I decided to upload all the finished one-shots I had in my folders in gratitude for being such great friends and reviewers while I go on a (possibly very long hiatus).****

**AN: This story is titled after the season 2 finale of, and is mainly a salute to "Designing Women." I finished my collection of all seven seasons at Christmas (I feel as if I watched it twice before I wrote this—at least the first five seasons which are the ones that truly matter). It's a great show. A bitch-com. I recommend it to anyone if they like feminism and good humor—also, if you do watch, pay attention to the topics the show deals with. Yes, the storyline isn't consistent, but the show dealt with things like rape, muggings, spousal abuse, AIDS, racial discrimination, physical appearance (one of the actresses, Delta Burke, added a few pounds and it was a major freak out way back when) and more. And this was in the 80s! Most of the knowledge learned on the show (especially when it comes to politics) still applies today, which is pathetic and sad, but true. Anyways. **

**You **_**DO NOT**_** need to have seen "Designing Women" to enjoy this fic. It's a fun little ditty (that completely spirals away from the bitch-com to my own fluffy story) that I decided needed to happen before I could write anything else. There's just a lot of things in Dixie Carter's—may she rest in peace—character (Julia Sugarbaker) that I could just see Lana Parrilla as Sassgina in a lot of the episodes. Like I said, you don't need to watch or need to have seen the show, though I do recommend it!**

**Also, regarding the Once side, there is no magic in this one. No curse. Everyone simply grew up in the same town, maybe went to different schools and lived on different parts of town, but now know each other. All of them (if they were with us in season one) have the same occupations we knew them to have pre-curse-breaking. Oh, and Tink's name in this is Tinner—since there's no magic, I didn't feel comfortable with a grown, mentally stable woman being named Tinkerbell… Also, just to clarify, Belle and Emma are sisters in this fic. Emma was adopted at a later age, but she found family.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

Emma helped Killian and David bring bags to the car. She, Regina, Killian, Tinner, Emma's sister Belle, Ruby, Mary Margaret and David were leaving the kids behind and going up to the mountains for an all-adult vacation.

Mary Margaret's father owned a cabin near a ski lodge and they all decided it was high time they had a couple's weekend.

Though if you asked Ruby or Belle, it was just a ski weekend. See, Ruby and Belle had been together for a good year or so, but things got thick and the relationship went sour.

However, if you asked Belle's sister, Emma would say that by the end of the weekend, Belle would probably be holding Ruby in her arms again.

Emma followed the two men back into Tinner's house to find bags on top of bags, "What the hell is all this?"

"Necessities." Ruby and Tinner both said.

Emma eyed them both and opened a couple bags, "Okay, both of these are just make-up. No human is so ugly that an entire suitcase of make-up is needed."

"So what are you saying, Sheriff?" Tinner asked.

"I'm saying that we're not bringing this crap. We have more important things to bring. Like food. And alcohol." She tossed their rather large make-up bags aside. "Are the rest of these clothes or do I need to look in them too?"

Ruby rolled her eyes, "They're clothes."

Emma held up another smaller bag, "Even this little one?"

"That's a 'just-in-case' bag! We need that one." Ruby said seriously.

Emma, curious and knowing that the waitress didn't care if she continued opening her suitcases, opened it. Inside she saw condoms, lube, a couple newly purchased strap-ons and feminine hygiene products. "Well…" She closed it, "That is definitely a just-in-case bag." She sidled next to her friend/former almost in-law. "What the hell kind of vacation are you planning on having?"

Ruby merely shrugged and gave a wolfish grin, "I was a girl scout. I was taught to always be prepared…" She winked and pushed the blonde.

Emma grabbed up another suitcase and headed for David's truck.

Regina rolled her eyes, watching the entire exchange from Tinner's living room.

"Everything all right, Regina?" Belle asked, seeing the annoyance on her sister-in-law's face.

"Your sister needs to calm down if we're going to have any fun on this vacation."

Belle shrugged, "She only gets like this when we go camping or on vacation. I've decided over the years that it had to do with her childhood before she came to stay with us. She got shipped place to place with no regard from anyone—"

"Yes, I'm aware of my wife's tragic past. We have a child, remember?"

Belle laughed, "Henry did not come from her tragic past. You all adopted him."

"_Because_ she can't let go. And when she found him alone in that basket, she thought of herself and she wasn't going to let him go through what she did."

"Could you?"

Regina knew she was caught in a corner, "That is neither here nor there."

Belle laughed again.

"What's so funny?" Ruby asked as she walked over, "Your sister's being a real peach." She gave Belle a look ready to ask her or Regina to calm the blonde down.

Belle stared into piercing blue eyes, "She always is." The librarian hid her smirk when Ruby sidled closer to her.

Regina watched this and coughed. She looked to the foyer and saw Emma come in once again. She moved swiftly and took Emma's hand before the blonde could reach for another bag, "Darling."

"Huh?" Emma let herself get pulled from the seemingly endless mountain of bags.

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Looking through people's bags, deciding what they can and cannot take."

Emma pointed to Tinner, who had been avoiding the sheriff and made her way to the other two women in the living room, "They both have an entire bag for make-up!"

"And?"

"And my entire travel bag is only a little bigger than their make-up ones."

"More room for them." Regina shrugged.

Emma rolled her eyes, "Not likely. Mary Margaret's not even here yet and we're basically out of seats!"

"Then we'll take the death trap."

Emma eyed her wife, "Yeah, you know it's funny how you've always hated my car and called it 'the death trap,' but seem to prefer it and trust it over your car when we take vacations…"

Regina smiled and hugged the blonde, "Well, it's cozier."

"Mhmm. Doesn't have anything to do with the fact that the Mercedes has been taken to the shop more than the bug and the Mercedes is at least 10 years newer?"

"Michael is ripping me off."

"He's not. He's just had to rebuild the engine because of the way you drive."

"And how is that?"

"Like your pants are on fire."

An engine could be heard outside and the two turned to see Mary Margaret pull up. "I'm sorry I'm late! I had to turn in my semester grades and it took longer than expected…" She pulled out a single suitcase.

Emma walked out of the house and yelled, "THERE!" She pointed at the schoolteacher. "That is how you pack for a vacation, ladies!"

~0~0~0~0~0~

"I just can't believe that we picked the one time of the year that an avalanche decided to drop on the mountain…" Tinner plopped onto the couch.

"I'm just glad we have our own cabin." Killian sat next to his ladylove and wrapped an arm around her. "So there seem to be four rooms… How shall we divvy this up?"

"I thought this was decided before." Regina said casually as she sat at the kitchen table, "We said no couple's in the beds as not everyone here is a couple…" She eyed Belle and Ruby, who weren't really paying attention to the conversation so much as they were paying attention to each other.

"How about married couples sleep together—?" Emma started.

"How about you sleep with your sister." Regina gave her wife a wry, superior grin.

The sheriff scrunched her nose up at that idea.

Regina continued, "Mary Margaret and I figured this all out in the car. She and I will bunk together, Emma and Belle, the boys then Tinner and Ruby."

"I don't think it's entirely fair that you and Mary Margaret decided on everyone's sleeping arrangements." Emma said.

Killian, always one to side with the sheriff when a fight started, stood up and walked to where David and Mary Margaret sat in a loveseat. He took David's hand as he sat on the arm, "Yeah, Madam Mayor!" He started sarcastically, alerting her that he was only joking, "What, are you going to tell us where to sleep, too? I mean, what if David and I want a little more to our room?"

"Like what?" Tinner grinned as she asked her man-friend—she didn't like the word boyfriend, so man-friend he became.

"Like a fireplace or something."

"Yeah, we want our time to be special." David squeezed Killian's hand for effect. The two of them chuckled, not letting the other's hand go.

Emma tilted her head, "You two would make a handsome couple."

"Right?" Killian asked patting David's hand in a friendly gesture before letting go. "Too bad we both have someone we love and adore." He glanced to Tinner, smirking when he received a blush.

"How come you and Mary Margaret?" Emma asked, still hung up on the arrangements.

"Well, Ruby kicks." Mary Margaret chimed in finally.

"So because I was in another car, I get relegated to bruised shins?" Tinner asked jokingly, obviously not caring.

"Yeah, that's not how this whole sleeping thing should go down. You don't get to tell people what to do and when. You're not the mayor here, sweet pea. You're just another person on this all-adult vacate." Emma put her hands on her hips in finality.

"Darling?" Regina had her faux sweet face.

"Yes, my love?"

"Stand down. You've proven you're ready for your penis—No offense." She quickly looked to Killian and David.

"None taken." David waved it off, amusement on his face.

"No offense?! How can they not take offense to that? You basically just said that the penis is inferior!"

Regina stared at her wife and sat a little straighter. Her face changed to a plain mask as if she were talking to a toddler, "Okay, Darling, you are picking a fight because you don't like the sleeping arrangements. You understand that, right?"

"You're damn right I am!" Emma huffed, "Excuse me for wanting to sleep next to _my wife_, my rock and my love for the last 20 years."

Regina merely crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, "Are you finished?"

"Meh, meh meh-meh?" Emma mocked her wife before moving to sit on another couch now occupied with Ruby and her sister. She laid across their laps and sighed dramatically.

Killian tilted his head confused, "You're done arguing?"

"She's being a bitch. There's no use arguing." Emma waved her hand at the woman she called wife, just making sure that everyone knew which 'she,' she was talking about.

"Emma Swan-Mills!" Regina crossed her arms and glared at her wife.

Emma checked the annoyance level of her wife quick before she gave her attention back to her best man-friend—Emma used the word because being a healthy independent lesbian, she sometimes felt silly saying 'boyfriend' to refer to her friends that were men, "See? I told you. A bitch."

"Why are you so testy today?" Belle asked after hitting her sister's thigh, scolding her.

Emma mumbled something unintelligible. Ruby looked down at the blonde's face in her lap. She leaned down and whispered so not even Belle could hear, "Did you want to have sneaky raucous sex with your wife?"

Emma only pouted as a response, which made Ruby chuckle knowingly.

"Well." Mary Margaret decided to change the subject, "Shall I start in on a dinner?"

A collective happy grunt and a few 'yes please's were the response.

"I'll help." Regina spoke softly.

"Me too." Belle pushed Emma on the ground.

"OW! Son of a…!" Emma glared up at her sister.

"I won't. I do the serving not the cooking." Ruby laid back on the couch, "Tell me when it's time to set the table."

"Is there something I can do?" David moved to the kitchen behind the women.

"Suck up." Emma muttered under her breath.

"What was that, darling?" Regina eyed her from her place in the kitchen.

"I told Killian to fuck off. He was making fun of me."

"Killian!" Tinner scolded her boyfriend by hitting his chest.

"I wasn't!"

Emma looked over to the other blonde woman with a smirk after making sure Regina was through interrogating her with those hot brown eyes. Tinner then realized that she'd scolded her boyfriend for nothing and cuddled into him in apology.

~0~0~0~0~0~

The evening continued with tolerable quips and jabs, then came bedtime.

As soon as their door shut, Killian turned to David as they changed into their pajamas.

"Now, I have to warn you mate, everyday I wake up with morning wood. It's just a given. Will that be an issue?"

David merely shrugged, "Not as long as mine's not."

"I guess we're square then." He settled on the right side of the bed.

"Get out!" David said with a girlish, as high-pitched as he could make excitement.

"What?!" Killian started scrambling out of the bed.

"You sleep on the right?" David had a pleasant smile.

"…Yeah?" Killian eyed his friend.

"I sleep on the left!"

"It's meant to be!"

They shared the look of pure bro-love before they both plopped on the bed.

David picked up the remote this time and flipped through the channels. He stopped on Animal Planet, "Oh, Gater Boys."

"They're so stupid. They're gonna get their hand bitten off."

"Dude… They're professionals. Just because you were a drunken idiot the time you got your hand bitten off and reattached doesn't mean everyone will. Besides that's part of the excitement."

"A drunken idiot?"

"Well, weren't you?"

"…Yes."

"You're lucky those things bite so hard. That it made a clean cut and all that. Otherwise you'd be walking around with a hook for a hand."

Killian turned to his friend, "And how do you know that?"

"Mary Margaret likes to watch her medical dramas. You pick up things. Like how hard gators bite"

~0~0~0~0~0~

Emma angrily pulled her pants down, exchanging them for her flannel pants, "Just cannot believe that _woman_!" She growled the last word.

"Really?" Belle turned and looked at her sister.

"'Really?'" Emma mimicked in her now perfected accent that she picked up since she was adopted at the ripe age of fifteen.

Belle ignored her sister's childish antics as she always did, "She's your wife. I'm just shocked that you didn't see it coming."

"I should have." Emma glared across the room out the window. "She gave me good sex last night."

"Is it not normally good?"

"No it is. It's always amazing. But she does this thing that I'm not allowed to talk about. And she did it last night."

Belle walked over to her sister with undivided attention, "What does she do?" She spoke in a whisper, hoping to convince the blonde to tell her.

"Just because you're not getting any doesn't mean that I'm gonna give you details of my sex life. That's weird. We're related."

"Only by adoption."

"Are you that desperate for sex that you're asking me to divulge the raucous acts between the sheets that I, Emma Swan, sister you've shared a room and a living space with until we were 22, and Regina, my wife and your best friend growing up, do?"

Belle made a disgusted face, "It's not my fault! Ruby's just…"

"Being herself?"

"Yeah." Belle sighed utterly frustrated, "I fuckin' hate her."

"No you don't. You're completely in love with her. Even when you broke up with her you were in love with her. You just don't have the lady balls to admit it."

"Fuck you. I do too."

"Then go tell her. Go knock on her door, bring her to the quiet, quiet living room where no one else is and tell her that you're in love with her."

"Fine." Belle stalked out of the room.

Emma poked her head out, "Hey!" She hissed into the night.

"What?"

"I'll bunk with The Adventures of Tintin." Emma whispered back. "If that'll help."

~0~0~0~0~0~

"Aren't you glad you and Killian were able to make it this time?" Ruby asked sarcastically.

"Oh yeah. Regina and Emma are a real treat…" Tinner's sarcasm could be felt all the way through the Earth's core to the other side of the world.

"They are though." Ruby sighed happily, obviously having romanticized them over the years rather than let their arguing annoy her, "They live so passionately with each other. Every damn day… I want that."

Tinner laughed.

"What?" Ruby asked, genuinely not knowing why the blonde was laughing.

"What? You're really asking that? I mean, come on… It's just so obvious…"

Ruby knit her brows.

"You and Belle…"

"Were once a thing and now we're not."

"Are in love with each other and you've got the same passion that Emma and Regina have."

A knock sounded at the door. Ruby answered it, "Belle?"

"I need to talk to you." Belle looked at Tinner, "In private?" She offered the brunette her hand.

Ruby turned to Tinner who simply looked at the bedding, finding it fascinating. She looked back at Belle, "Yeah, okay."

Not even 15 seconds later, a staccato double knock sounded and Emma slipped in.

"Someone's getting lucky tonight. I don't care that it's not me, I'm going to win."

"Win what?"

"Win a night in bed with my wife while we're on vacation." Emma nodded once in finality. "Not tonight… Tonight is Ruby and Belle. But sometime, it'll be my turn."

~0~0~0~0~0~

Mary Margaret and Regina's television had been on for background noise while they went about their nightly activities. As Regina settled in at the table with her laptop to answer her daily e-mail—which she knew she'd have more than enough from work—and as Mary Margaret scooted into the bed after a good twenty minutes of silence during their routines save for a few 'sorry's and 'pardon me's, Mary Margaret scrutinized the brunette.

Finally, she opened her mouth, "Do you mind me asking why you were so adamant to not sleep with your wife?"

"I'm not adamant to not sleep with my wife, Mary Margaret. I'm adamant to not let it get awkward for my sister-in-law and Ruby…"

"Sure, and David and I and, Tinner and Killian—the unwed couples—could have prevented that… Is she in trouble?"

Regina turned and looked at the other woman, "No! She's just…" Regina sighed and looked at the other woman honestly and almost ashamed, "She's so obnoxious during vacations."

Mary Margaret chuckled, "And you think that not sleeping with her will make her less-so. I thought you knew your wife better than that."

"Oh, what her you? Her mother?"

"Testy, testy." Mary Margaret grinned amused, "I'm just saying that you of all people should know that the only way to control her is to promise her something she wants. And that you of all people should definitely be aware that what she wants is sex. I mean, you're the one that's been in a 20-year relationship with her…"

A clap against their wall was heard. Then another and another. And another. And more. Consecutively their wall banged at a steady staccato.

"What the hell?" the words fell slowly from Regina's mouth.

"Who's in that room?" Mary Margaret half-expected/half-assumed that Killian asked for some alone time with Tinner and Ruby was all too happy to oblige.

"Emma and Belle."

"What? Ew."

Regina stared at the wall as the thumping increased its pace more and more until…

"_OOOOH BELLE!"_

The scream could have rattled the entire house. And it definitely was not Emma and therefore not disgusting.

"God…. damn it…." Regina leaned back in her chair.

"What?"

"Well… Now I have to sleep with my wife."

Mary Margaret rolled her eyes, "Is that so terrible?"

Regina smiled a small smile only ever meant for or given because of one Emma Swan-Mills. "No. But I'll have to make her think it is."

"Why?"

"It's all part of our game. One of us will sometimes pretend to get bored with the other; the other will fight like hell to make the 'bored' one see her."

Mary Margaret gave the woman a terrified look, "That does not sound emotionally healthy."

Regina shrugged, "Works for us. Besides, in the words of my wife and..Kevin Bacon apparently, 'It keeps the fights clean and the sex dirty.'" She winked at the slightly younger woman and chuckled at her reaction.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Emma got up early. She knew Regina would feel compelled to host even though it wasn't her place. She made herself a cup of coffee and hit the button on the Keurig for Regina's cup when a door opened in the hallway.

She turned around, mug in hand to see Regina and Mary Margaret walking into the main part of the cabin.

"Regina. Light of my life, apple of my eye." The smirk in her eyes was not lost on her wife, "You sleep well?"

Regina stared at her wife, "Just fine." She made to reach for the coffee she presumed to be hers, but Emma stepped in front of her, "Yes?"

Emma said nothing.

"We're not sleeping together tonight. You know the rules."

"Oh. So no one gets to have fun on this vacation except for Belle and Ruby? What if Mary Margaret wants to have sex with David? Or Tinner wants to man-handle Killian? And I mean, just to emphasize last night and who we all heard getting theirs, Belle and Ruby, the not-couple, are totally back together—or at the very least porking again. So why won't you, my darling wife not want sleep with me? Am I repulsive to you now? Have we lost our love? Are you cheating on me?"

"NO! I am not cheating on you!" Regina glared at her wife, "Jesus."

"Mary Margaret's pretty. I can understand." Emma rolled her eyes dramatically and moved to the table, "I mean, people say we look more alike and think we're sisters versus me and Belle, but what can you do?"

"Emma!" Mary Margaret blushed, covering her face with her hand in embarrassment.

Emma turned on the other woman offended, "What, my wife not good enough for you?"

Mary Margaret stood next to the stove, mouth moving like a fish, no words coming out. Finally she huffed and turned from them, moving to the refrigerator.

Regina moved to her wife, "I'm sorry for her remarks, Mary Margaret." She hit the back of Emma's head, "As we all have learned over the years, she doesn't have a filter sometimes."

Emma glared at the woman as she rubbed her head. She set her mug down, took Regina's from her and stood up, glaring intently at the other woman, "Woman! Stop hitting me in the back of the head!"

"Or what?" Regina challenged.

Emma huffed and sat back down.

"Mary Margaret?" David was leaning against the hallway, hiding his lower half. "Can I talk to you in private?"

Emma tilted her head to look past the man to see Killian sneaking into what became her and Tinner's room.

"Sure!" Mary Margaret turned the oven back off and darted across the living room to her boyfriend.

After they made their way down the hall, Emma turned and looked at her wife, "Ready to give it up yet?"

"Give what up?"

"Oh come on! All of them are having morning sex!"

"And?"

Emma whined. She wasn't proud, she was horny, "And I want morning sex too! I want you to stop being a bitch and just admit that you love me and that this has been as big a nuisance to you as much as it has me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Regina took a drink of her coffee.

"Bitch please! I know how much you like to cuddle!"

Regina's eyes widened only slightly. And it was a split second before they were back to their glare. "Call me 'bitch' again." She dared her wife. When all the blonde did was shrink into her chair, and into submission, she stood up, hovering over her wife. "Cuddling and actual sleeping. We have afternoon sex and I will make you breakfast no matter what time we come out of the bedroom."

"Deal!"

They shook on it before the two of them ran to the only bedroom left and locked the door.

~0~0~0~0~0~

"We should do that more often!" Emma skipped, bringing the appropriate bags to the door or appropriate cars.

They had just got back to town a few minutes before and were unloading the cars.

"Yeah, except, maybe next time we make no sleeping arrangements that don't involve our partner…" Hook gave a look to Regina, "Even if it is to make our wives jealous…"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine. I can admit when I'm wrong. I thought we were going to be mature adults about it all…"

"And who says mature adults don't have sex? Especially when married?" Emma asked, kissing Regina's cheek.

"Or in lust!" Ruby hopped from foot to foot trying to keep heat in her body.

"I'd say it's a little more than lust, babe…" Belle came behind her and wrapped her arms around the taller woman.

"Speaking of lust…" Emma grabbed Regina's hand, "We have a couple hours before Henry gets back from his camping trip…" She whispered.

"See you all later." Regina moved swiftly to the car.

The group watched the two take off.

"Why do we always want them to come on vacations with us?" Tinner asked for the group.

"Because they are all of our aspirational couple. Whether we want to admit it or not, they are." Killian ran his hands over Tinner's shoulders.

The rest of the group agreed with a sigh and moved to their respective cars.


End file.
